How to Change Your Bathing Suit in Public


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Going swimming should be fun, carefree, liberating. Instead it is rife with uncertainty and anxiety. Is my body summer ready? Will the pockets of my swimsuit inflate underwater like two swollen ears? Should I have thought more about the hair on my lower back? Is what I see in the mirror “dadbod”? How am I going to get out of these slim jeans–damn these hipster pants–and into swim trunks in front of my friends and that nice family five feet away? Questions like these have a way of waiting to bubble up until the minute you step your feet on that really hot sand. We can’t help you with the bigger questions now that you are already on the beach–these things take time–but we can help you gracefully change your wardrobe in public, in five steps, without falling down or flashing your nuts. Oh yeah that pockets thing can be fixed by buying trunks without pockets.

Step 1. Take off your shoes and socks.

Step 2. Make sure you have an adult sized towel. This is very important as it will keep your bits covered. It should be long enough to lie down on without your feet hanging over the edge.

Step 3. Standing up, wrap the towel around your waist and secure by tucking the top outermost corner into the rest. The towel should be wrapped securely but not so tight you can’t move.

Step 4. Remove your pants and underpants. You are now only wearing a towel–proceed with caution.

Step 5. Now gingerly put your trunks on under the towel. Be extra careful at the end and make sure the towel is covering you the whole time–tent style. If you are at all nervous. Face away from the most densely populated area on the beach. Getting mooned is always better than getting full frontal flashed.